12/18/2009
12/17/2009
I don't know how to kill it
I want to make my own history go away. I don't know how. I would like to learn a mnemonic for forgetting.
The time has come to drag out old skeletons, bury them at the crossroads. Kill them deader than they already are.
I will find a ritual. There has to be some magic to suit this purpose.
I'm thinking of changing my name.
The time has come to drag out old skeletons, bury them at the crossroads. Kill them deader than they already are.
I will find a ritual. There has to be some magic to suit this purpose.
I'm thinking of changing my name.
12/11/2009
12/07/2009
Intentions
Conversation with RR got me thinking about how I have come to be and have all that which is currently my "life". I realize how much of my life has been unintentional and reactive.
***I intend to be surrounded by good friends / family in a community that I help to create. I believe this community will have very green and sustainable habits. Collectively, we will create abundance and help each other to live to our full potential.
***I will have a partner in unconditional love, support and to share life's marvels.
***I will make my inner voice kinder toward myself and others, so as to to attract kind thoughts and people into my life. I will learn to dispel thoughts and acts that are hurtful, learn from them and turn them into something positive.
***I will finish my education; not for money or career but for wholeness. I think it would be wonderful to have a PHD and raise chickens and live off the land.
*** I will have a legacy, I will leave the world a better place for my being here, and give something beneficial to the future.
"All doubt, despair, and fear become insignificant once the intention of life becomes love, rather than dependence on love" - Sri da Avabhas
"Your life is the garden,
Your thoughts are the seeds
If your life isn't awesome
You've been watering the weeds." - Terry Prince
That must change.
***I intend to be surrounded by good friends / family in a community that I help to create. I believe this community will have very green and sustainable habits. Collectively, we will create abundance and help each other to live to our full potential.***I will have a partner in unconditional love, support and to share life's marvels.
***I will make my inner voice kinder toward myself and others, so as to to attract kind thoughts and people into my life. I will learn to dispel thoughts and acts that are hurtful, learn from them and turn them into something positive.
***I will finish my education; not for money or career but for wholeness. I think it would be wonderful to have a PHD and raise chickens and live off the land.
*** I will have a legacy, I will leave the world a better place for my being here, and give something beneficial to the future.
"All doubt, despair, and fear become insignificant once the intention of life becomes love, rather than dependence on love" - Sri da Avabhas
"Your life is the garden,
Your thoughts are the seeds
If your life isn't awesome
You've been watering the weeds." - Terry Prince
12/01/2009
Amazingly detailed fever dreams
Sunday i woke up with a sore froat and the shivers.
My dream still fresh in my head was incredibly detailed and stupid.
It started with a car ride with my stepmom to go look at a temporary room for me to rent . We were in Michigan and I fell asleep on the ride. When we got to the house, it had recently snowed and I recall the smell of snow on pines and scooping up a fresh handful off one of the branches on the porch. The house was a big victorian place with lots of rooms and lots of levels.
There were a few tennants already living at the house, professionals about my age and they all had big dogs there were bins of dog toys in one of the living rooms. The lady who owned the house worked as a botanist for a seed company and worked on hybrids. One of the other tennants' dogs was a wolfhound mix. She was bigger than radar with a wavy chocolatey coat and blond eyebrows and beard. the house had a hot tub and sauna in a pine paneled outbuilding. I explained that i was planning to live part year there and part year here and commute with my job.
When we left, we walked through the lobby of a very posh hotel or clubhouse. There was a big grand piano in front of a curved credenza covered in plaques and awards. The pianist was playing songs form the score of 'The Music Man' loudly and at a fast tempo.
We started riding our bikes back to the car - to save time. I was riding through an unfamiliar city that became increasingly more urban and less bikeable. Turning left at a five-way intersection I was struck by an older brown car that did not yield. I wasn't badly hurt and walked my bike to the side of the street. The city was gloomy and dense, with fat people driving jazzy chairs on the sidewalk.
I realized that we were much further south - near Holland and wasn't sure why we had driven so far in the first place.
My dream still fresh in my head was incredibly detailed and stupid.
It started with a car ride with my stepmom to go look at a temporary room for me to rent . We were in Michigan and I fell asleep on the ride. When we got to the house, it had recently snowed and I recall the smell of snow on pines and scooping up a fresh handful off one of the branches on the porch. The house was a big victorian place with lots of rooms and lots of levels.
There were a few tennants already living at the house, professionals about my age and they all had big dogs there were bins of dog toys in one of the living rooms. The lady who owned the house worked as a botanist for a seed company and worked on hybrids. One of the other tennants' dogs was a wolfhound mix. She was bigger than radar with a wavy chocolatey coat and blond eyebrows and beard. the house had a hot tub and sauna in a pine paneled outbuilding. I explained that i was planning to live part year there and part year here and commute with my job.
When we left, we walked through the lobby of a very posh hotel or clubhouse. There was a big grand piano in front of a curved credenza covered in plaques and awards. The pianist was playing songs form the score of 'The Music Man' loudly and at a fast tempo.
We started riding our bikes back to the car - to save time. I was riding through an unfamiliar city that became increasingly more urban and less bikeable. Turning left at a five-way intersection I was struck by an older brown car that did not yield. I wasn't badly hurt and walked my bike to the side of the street. The city was gloomy and dense, with fat people driving jazzy chairs on the sidewalk.
I realized that we were much further south - near Holland and wasn't sure why we had driven so far in the first place.
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