I like you, like you

Deep flowing calm stream
You are quieter than me
I pay attention

I am attracted to your subtlety, kindness, intelligence; humility with a hint of sadness.

There was a warrior who could not speak to his love . He wrote a poem about water and stone.

Being around you inspires me to do good things.

I had a dream that you were heartbroken, I could see in your eyes that you had been crying. I stayed with you until you felt better.

Thank you.

Please spend more time with me soon.

so much has changed

or is it just me

Creating my World

{whew}

Maybe this will lead me to a learning experience, or a new friend, or my sweetheart. I am working at making real connections with people. It is important. I want magic. I want a community. I want you to be my friend. I want to look in your eyes and see your soul and totally accept you. I want to feel what connects us all as we walk our individual paths.

I am trying to understand the lessons of pain and injustice and isolation so I don't have to take that class again.

It seems like such a challenge sometimes reconciling existence as both a light being and a primate. What an adventure, learn the rules as you go. {and remember to laugh}

Love is in everything. I see it and feel it. Why's it so scary to share it with other people?

Psychedelic Love Gathering on my Lawn

I had a flat in a larger house. My entrance was through the back yard and up a wide set of stairs through glass French doors.

Some of my current friends were my housemates - having their own apartment in the house.
I was tidying up around the place. it was evening. I stepped into another room and when I came back everything i had been working on ( laundry, stacks of mail, etc) had been replaced with decorations, like dried flowers and ting-ting and garlands of beads. I knew that this was my housemates playing a little surprise on me, but I wasn't sure why.

Then they came in and made it clear that we should all trip that night, and that some of them had already started; indeed a couple of my friends faces had started to change. I was given a small green capsule about the size of a sesame seed. It dissolved as soon as it hit my tongue, and the effects were instant as well. My friends' faces got more plastic masky looking. Everything else grew more shiny and wonderful.

We went outside, where I kept my car parked. There was a large gathering of people and vehicles and tents and food spreading from my driveway all through the front yard and in the street. the cars were parked so tightly that i had to go through one car's driver and passenger doors to get by, there was no room to walk around. The crowd was a hippie gypsy road trip bohemian following something sort of mob. I was having great fun talking and listening and absurdly people watching in my yard.

The reason they were in my yard and the object of their pilgrimage was a group of holy people, or musicians or magical gurus - some combination of these. The guru musicians were staying in the house behind mine whose balcony faced my french door entrance. They were indeed making beautiful music, saying wise things and they had decorated animals up on the balcony with them. They were dressed in light colored, flowing softly shining robes.

When I returned to my back yard and the entrance to my flat I saw that the stairs had been strewn with sweet smelling flowers and runners of shiny fabric and what looked like freshwater pearls. I opened my door and found that the inside was strewn and bedazzled in nearly the same way. On my bed was a cloth bag made of a fine translucent champagne colored fabric. Inside the bag were pearls and dried herbs and sparkling crystals and a vial of some precious oil.

The last impression I have from this dream is of being amused, and touched at the gift from the gurus and how well it suited my current psychedelic state of mind.

NyQuil Driver Dreams

I have been sleeping a lot lately, on purpose.
In my dreams, I generally get along with and like the people I encounter. I get to do all sorts of cool shit in my dreams.
In my waking life, I do not want to be around anyone or go anywhere.

Last night, I was on a vacation to the Big Island with my mom and sister. We walked around some shorelines I was already familiar with and my sister and I talked to a lady in the shady grove of a lagoon who had a little pedal type boat for sale. Our hotel room was ultra ultra modern, so that i hardly recognized the furniture and fixtures for what they were. The beds looked like nubby pixellated LEGO pieces.
At the hotel entrance I saw a man loading skis into the back of a van. I asked him if they were going to Mauna Kea - he said yes, and that the snow was great and the shuttle was only $3. I told him that I didn't have skis, but might go along and see if I could borrow or rent some. He told me the shuttle was leaving at 1:00 and I had ten minutes to decide. I ran upstairs to my uber modern room and grabbed some money. I noticed the road up to the top of the Volcano had been paved and commented on how I remembered it being gravel. There was lots of snow up top. I could see down and out forever. There were also chairlifts and a little lodge (no such thing on the real life Mauna Kea).

I asked around about skis and boots to borrow. I met old co-workers from PC, neither of them wanted to loan me their skis and were predictably snotty about it. Finally I saw a 12 or 13 year old girl sitting on the floor with her boots off looking kind of pouty and flushed. I asked if I could borrow her gear and she said yes. She had a pair of orange Technica jr racers, I think they were hurting her feet. They fit me though a bit small, and the liner under the left heel was sort of bunched up and uncomfortable but I would make do. The skis were old rusty straight skis, too short for me, with the bindings set waay back toward the tail.
Nonetheless I was excited to ski the volcano. I paid my money into a change-type machine which printed out lift ticket. I put the change from my $50 in my pocket. Then I found some stray poles and picked out the right size. Off I went down the hill. After a few turns I was in the shade of a cliff wall and had to carve up to my right around a bare rocky spot. I was surprised that my edge held. Afterword I made several short swing turns avoiding rocks etc in a tight spot. I had to traverse back to the right to get to the chairlifts rather than continue down to the bottom of the road. I road the chairlift up, marveling that I really could see the ocean forever in all directions. I made a second run, then met the shuttle driver.

Celebrity Dreams, featuring David Byrne

I regard my occasional dreams of famous people as direct messages from my subconscious/ higher self. I try to analyze them as such.


It was a dark night outside my house in some urban area. I found David Byrne sitting on my curb. He was waiting, delayed by a flat tire or something. I don't know if I was being helpful, or just friendly passing the time before he could be on his way. I told him that I kept up on his current work. When he left, he invited me to a very small local performance 7:00 PM. I remember saying 'thanks David'.

I couldn't find the venue and arrived closer to 10:00. It was really a tiny place, like a pizza parlor or bistro. There were 25 people or so; sitting, standing, applauding. DB was finishing his set, thanking everyone and saying goodnight. I felt disappointed with myself for missing the gig, but I was still happy to have been invited.

Charlie Darlie Abey Baby Day!!!!!

Apeman - by The Kinks

I think I'm sophisticated
'Cos I'm living my life like a good homosapien
But all around me everybody's multiplying
Till they're walking round like flies man
So I'm no better than the animals sitting in their cages
in the zoo man
'Cos compared to the flowers and the birds and the trees
I am an ape man
I think I'm so educated and I'm so civilized
'Cos I'm a strict vegetarian
But with the over-population and inflation and starvation
And the crazy politicians
I don't feel safe in this world no more
I don't want to die in a nuclear war
I want to sail away to a distant shore and make like an ape man
I'm an ape man, I'm an ape ape man
I'm an ape man I'm a King Kong man I'm ape ape man
I'm an ape man
'Cos compared to the sun that sits in the sky
compared to the clouds as they roll by
Compared to the bugs and the spiders and flies
I am an ape man
In man's evolution he has created the cities and
the motor traffic rumble, but give me half a chance
and I'd be taking off my clothes and living in the jungle
'Cos the only time that I feel at ease
Is swinging up and down in a coconut tree
Oh what a life of luxury to be like an ape man
I'm an ape, I'm an ape ape man, I'm an ape man
I'm a King Kong man, I'm a voo-doo man
I'm an ape man
I look out my window, but I can't see the sky
'Cos the air pollution is fogging up my eyes
I want to get out of this city alive
And make like an ape man
Come and love me, be my ape man girl
And we will be so happy in my ape man world
I'm an ape man, I'm an ape ape man, I'm an ape man
I'm a King Kong man, I'm a voo-doo man
I'm an ape man
I'll be your Tarzan, you'll be my Jane
I'll keep you warm and you'll keep me sane
and we'll sit in the trees and eat bananas all day
Just like an ape man
I'm an ape man, I'm an ape ape man, I'm an ape man
I'm a King Kong man, I'm a voo-doo man
I'm an ape man.
I don't feel safe in this world no more
I don't want to die in a nuclear war
I want to sail away to a distant shore
And make like an ape man